this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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