i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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