Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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