Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
