Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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