Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
