That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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