Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
