i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
