I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
