i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
