Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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