She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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