They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
