so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
