Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
how does that bad decision feel?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
