I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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