shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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