i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
