Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
