she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
