I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I want you more than these girls want KFC
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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