So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
should my penis look like a turkey
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
then he tried to convert me to islam
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
