Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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