Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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