Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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