I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
