I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
