If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
