I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
