I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
