I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I understand Curling. That high.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
