And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
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