i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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