Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
