Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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