thus making me awesome and them whores
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Randomize
