real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
