So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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