Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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