I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
