sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
