fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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