Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
