the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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