there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
