Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
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