Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
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