Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
