I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
