I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
