so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
