Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
