We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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